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Catherine Rain

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It'll be all right. [09 Mar 2005|07:43pm]
It's been a very public couple of years. I feel like I've learned a lot from all of you.

The internet is such a wide world. It's also my home, large or small, quiet or noisy. It is what I make of it, or what I choose to unmake.

To those of you whom I've had the honour and the privilege of knowing well-- you know how to find me.

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fyi [08 Mar 2005|12:06am]
Due to various constraints, I probably won't be on LJ much in the near future. Nothing to worry about; no questions necessary, but just as a heads-up, I won't be around for a while.
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odessa-chan [27 Feb 2005|11:37pm]
[ mood | trying to amuse self ]

random suikoden inanity because I am sick and can't focus on being actually productiveCollapse )

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fanfiction and fiction [26 Feb 2005|08:40pm]
Y'know, much as RP on the High Seas is just a funny, silly thing, with goofy interpretations of characters doing things you can't take seriously, and really just to mess around and stuff...

...it's kind of intense to watch them finally go through the end of the game. I mean, I've been watching since almost the beginning, and I've grown to really love their particular characters (as something totally separate from what I think about the game.) It doesn't feel like watching the end of the game did. It feels like watching the end of something different, another thing, a TV show I'm following or something... and it's really a whole bunch of completely different characters that only resemble the ones I came to know in GS4 in terms of vague situational identity. So watching the end of THIS plot is watching something new. Something I haven't quite seen before. Something unfolding before my eyes for the first time.

And, even though it's goofy (maybe even BECAUSE it's so goofy)... when it gets serious, I feel emotional about it. Because this is NOT a work of fiction that's deliberately trying to pull on my heartstrings; it's a work of fanfiction that's trying to mess around and have fun, and in the process has made me really love its characters for who they are. And I'm so sorry for them when I see them fail or be really hurt in ways that they don't just brush off-- when they act out the serious bits of the game, when I see things that I even knew were fated to happen to them from the beginning. Because they take so much in stride, you know, that when something really serious hits them, it's chilling. And we all love them, so... it's actually quite affecting to me. ^^;

Time will go by, but (even if it's unpopular) GS4 will be remembered for what it is. And will RP on the High Seas be remembered, too?
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losing a little more faith in humanity [18 Feb 2005|07:21pm]
Walt related a story to me on the phone about potentially hanging out with his ex-fiancee, Carol. She had wanted him to go over to her sorority house at the college with all of her old sorority sisters (who used to really like Walt back when he and Carol were in college and engaged.) However, it turns out that now all said sorority sisters hate him because of the breakup (which was two years ago,) and they don't want Carol and Walt hanging out together.

Walt's annoyed with this for two reasons: one, it should be Carol's decision whether she wants him around; it shouldn't be up to the sorority sisters to poke their noses in and say that they don't want him to hang out with her. Two, as he put it, he didn't break up with the sisters, he broke up with Carol.

It makes me rather uncomfortable, too. It's blindingly obvious that these girls only ever liked him because he was engaged to one of their sorority sisters, and now they only dislike him because he broke up with one of their sisters, and it obviously has nothing to do with their feelings towards Walt as a person. The shallowness of this drives me crazy. Of course we always knew it was the case, but to have it proven so blatantly is still awful. This kind of discrimination is dehumanizing-- people lining up to be on a "pro-Walt" or "anti-Walt" bandwagon that has nothing to do with who he is, and merely depends on his situation. It just seems to devalue the individuality of people.

As he put it, "I feel like I go in and out of style. Walt's not in season right now; he was so last year."

People shouldn't treat each other this way.
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Uni-Ball Fusion pen [15 Feb 2005|04:04pm]
I have a new "favorite pen in the world," and this time, thankfully, it isn't a Japanese import that I can only find at selected Kinokuniyas. It's a similar color, though-- but a slightly preferable shade, and writes more smoothly, and I have finally decided that I prefer it. It's the Uni-ball Fusion in midnight blue.

Not just any midnight blue, mind you-- a greyish midnight blue. I think this is becoming one of my favorite colors. For a while I was sort of disillusioned with the color blue because I was sick of things that were all pale/bright blue and floofy. But then I rediscovered that blue can be incredibly pretty when the saturation is turned down, so... yes. (I just seem to like desaturated things in general. And I still prefer silver, which color seems to have been following me around since day one, so yeah.)

So I found a store around here that carries the Fusion pen, and now I can feel free to use the one I have to my heart's content on any old thing without fearing that it'll run out of ink and be gone. Of the three I owned, two of them had just run out, so I was nervous there.

I also bought the Suikoden III manga volume 5. (I almost made it through an LJ entry without bringing up Suikoden, but nope. XP) Hopefully we can at least get through THIS volume without major errors in the Silverberg family tree kthxbye.
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Singles Day Awareness drabble [14 Feb 2005|03:26am]
I wasn't going to do Merc's Singles Day Awareness fic challenge because I always write that sort of thing, but just as I was about to go to sleep, I was blindsided by an idea for a drabble. Just the sort of thing I normally write, GS1 fic with my usual themes and all, but appropriate.

So here's our singleton:

Sonya Schulen.Collapse )
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Transcribed scripts for the ending [GS4 entry 33] [13 Feb 2005|11:56pm]
Does anyone else think the last line of La Mia Tristezza is a bit... erm, ironic for Suikoden?
So anyway.

I went through the endgame sequences of Suikoden IV and transcribed the texts of some important scenes. Basically, I wanted to make sure I had the wording down for reference so I can pick them apart for the purposes of my fanfic... but it occurred to me that other people might be interested in looking at them, either for similar reference purposes, or because they haven't played/finished the game and want to know what happens. (Luna, for example, might want to look at these...)

I only transcribed a few specific parts-- the bits that were useful to me. They aren't entirely complete; in some places I only went through one choice of what to say. However, this is clearly marked in the transcripts. What is there is accurate (unless there's a typo or something.) They're just something I made for my own reference, but I thought they might be useful in general, so I'll put them up for public use since I went to the trouble.

Links to the scripts - the links contain very mild spoilersCollapse )
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On people's importance to each other, in and out of fiction. [12 Feb 2005|05:11pm]
One thing that I love about Suikoden is the way a lot of characters are sort of... fans, or even stalkerfans, of others. Character-spoiler examples.Collapse ) I love the way these things are depicted-- not as romantic relationships, really, but just as people who are fascinated by other people, or admire them, or become followers.

I mean, we all think we know what normal healthy human relationships are supposed to be like, because in most media they are portrayed a certain way. We have the dynamics worked out in our heads of how human interaction is supposed to go, and the ways in which people might relate to each other. But the media usually chooses to focus on some things and not on others. The sort of relationships one normally finds in Suikoden are very different-- they highlight another aspect of human interaction, which is largely ignored in most forms of media. I believe it's very true, and just as valid as the Typical Media View of relationships. So X character thinks Y is the COOLEST and wants to follow them around. Is this unhealthy? No, it's a common and normal way for people to feel about each other. But mostly the media won't show these kinds of relationships except to make them all creepy and twisted: "OMG why would this character be that interested in that other one unless they're all messed-up and crazy!"

It shouldn't have to be viewed that way... these things happen, and they're normal and healthy, and if we'd pay more attention to these other kinds of relationships in the media, I think we'd have a more well-rounded view of human interaction in the real world. Think about how many heroes have sidekicks, but no one EVER pays attention to the bond between the hero and the sidekick UNLESS they're going to slash them. Why slash them? Why not admit that there's a kind of relationship there that's totally valid and healthy without having to do with sex? It's just one more way that people relate to each other. It can be a powerful and strong bond between people, but most media either has to turn it OMGsexual, or else ignore it completely-- the sidekick's loyalty is taken for granted, and the hero is never annoyed by it, and very little is done with it in terms of making it an interesting plot thing, unless it's a means of proving that the hero must be really cool because they've got cardboardly loyal friends backing them up.

Suikoden is quite interesting because it has very few romantic relationships and a lot of sidekicky fan relationships. Which means, of course, that a lot of characters get slashed, and subtext is found all over the place. I think it's way more interesting, though, to just assume that most of them are platonic, and look at how cool and interesting they are that way.
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That maddeningly awful, frustratingly fascinating game. [GS4 entry 28] [09 Feb 2005|01:51pm]
This does not contain ANY spoilers, and is very vague and generic-- I'm LJ-cutting it for length rather than because its contents might spoil anyone. It's simply me talking about whether or not I liked Suikoden 4. (The answer, in short, is that I think it's the worst game EVAR* but I love it.)

My fluctuating, bipolar opinion of Suikoden IVCollapse )

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I process the emotions of fiction slowly. [08 Feb 2005|02:17pm]
A note to anyone who wants me to be interested in any work of fiction.Collapse )
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Why I write fantasy [08 Feb 2005|12:43am]
I was thinking about why I like fantasy.Collapse )
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On the advantages of squeeing. [28 Jan 2005|01:34pm]
kuwaizair asked me why, when I talk about games, I become a squeeing fangirl who peppers things with OMGLOL and the whole timbre of my attitude changes. Granted, this was in my “rabbit hole” post, but this is not the first time I’ve been asked this question.

It’s a way of getting people, in a backwards way, to respect my judgment. When I was younger, I’d go around saying, “These games are serious and meaningful and important to me! You can’t take them so lightly!” And I’d get laughed at, and told, “Chill out. It’s just a game. You shouldn’t take it so seriously.”

I hate hearing that phrase, “you shouldn’t take it so seriously.” Because I do take it very seriously, like it or not, for personal reasons.

So instead of letting people laugh at me and roll their eyes over how seriously I take games, I become silly about games myself. I make a lot of jokes; I make fun of the games. I goof around. I act zany and off-the-wall. It’s actually a lot of fun-- but I don’t do it because it’s fun; I do it because it lets people know that yes, I do know that it’s fiction and it’s a game. That way, when I have something deadly serious to say about it, I can say “This is very meaningful to me” and not have anyone accuse me of not realizing that it’s merely a game. Also, it’s a balance I strike to keep myself from getting too intensely emotional about games-- I laugh at the very things I’m unsettled by, finding them funnier because they mean a lot to me, as a form of morbid humor.

From my way of talking, one might think I became more light-hearted when I play games-- but actually, I become more contemplative and serious, and start thinking about things that have deep meaning for me.
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I am no traveller at heart [13 Jan 2005|11:59am]
Look, an entry that's not about Suikoden or any other fandom! You might wanna treasure it this week, considering I'm so far into "fandom-mode" right now.

Observations about myself and world travelCollapse )
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Go read this. [POTO movie in 15 minutes] [11 Jan 2005|11:43pm]
Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes is totally hilarious. It plays off a lot of things I wondered about, too. (Like Mme Giry's accent...)
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In which I am a grammar fiend with fiendish grammar [30 Dec 2004|05:31pm]
Answering machine message I left on Walt's phone, #1:

"Hi. I see you called me while I was in the shower. I told you I'd call you back when I got out, and now I am out. By the way, you might want to work on your answering machine message-- you sound so unenthusiastic. Like you don't even care what the caller has to say. Completely disinterested. Anyway, so call me back. Bye."

Answering machine message I left on Walt's phone, #2:

"I just wanted to say that in the last message I used the word 'disinterested'; I meant to say 'uninterested.' 'Disinterested' means you are a neutral party; 'uninterested' means you are not interested. So I meant 'uninterested.' ... Um, and only I would actually call you back to correct this. Anyway, call me back. Bye."
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Quakes [28 Dec 2004|12:21pm]
I got in the car last night and Dad was trying to explain the Ring of Fire to Mom.

"See," he was saying, "they call it that because of the volcanoes, but volcanoes tend to lie on fault lines-- that's why it's a ring. You have part of the faults extending all through Asia. And then you have a second ring of faults along the Indian Ocean. Those are the ones that caused the quake."

"Typical," I said. "We have a big disaster and all anyone wants to know is whose fault it is."
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The Last Unicorn [two versions of lyrics - analysis] [20 Dec 2004|02:11pm]
I listened to "The Last Unicorn" repeatedly in the car last night. (Contemplating songs was one of the things that saved me from exploding of boredom during the endless traffic jam. All my mom and brother wanted to do was complain and rehash the details of the road.)

Analysis of the difference between versionsCollapse )
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Cure for ear infections [30 Nov 2004|10:19pm]
So I finished Nanowrimo last night, verified my word count and posted about it, and went to bed. I woke up with an ear infection. Yay...

I seem to get these at least once a year, and it did seem like I'd gone an awfully long time without one. Now, I have a cure that works, a cure that killed the nasty infections that the antibiotics the doctor gave me wouldn't touch: mix apple cider vinegar and rubbing alcohol together in amounts so that you can smell both (but the vinegar a bit more strongly,) and put it in your ear in the morning and at night. This will fix ear infections. The apple cider vinegar kills ear germs, and the rubbing alcohol dries the area up afterwards so that your ear isn't a good place for bacteria to nest. It will work even on infections that resist antibiotics, although of course it only works if the infection is someplace in your ear that the stuff can trickle into.

You tilt your head to the side and dump some in with a dropper and lie there for five to ten minutes, having kleenex handy for when you stand up, because it will all stream out of your ear when you do. Also, you should lie down to put the stuff in your ear. Don't do it while standing up, because you will (as I did this morning) lose your ability to comprehend which direction is "up." (This attempt can, however, produce comic results.)

It seems like once a year, I get infected, discover that I don't have the ingredients for the cure, and end up having to go out to buy them. I need to start keeping them around as medical staples. xx;
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A winner is me! [Nanowrimo] [30 Nov 2004|02:07am]




The story isn't over, but uh, at least now I can go to sleep. XP
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